Alison, 18, cis, pan.
Freshman at UPS, alto in Dorians.
I like coffee, tattoos, and dark lipstick.
Tacoma, WA. Single.
Sophia Dembling, The Introvert’s Way: Living a Quiet Life in a Noisy World (Perigee Trade, 2012)
Why do you still have the sweater I gave you and why would you still wear it why why why
Give it back, it’s stained now, you’ve ruined it
Even if you gave it back it wouldn’t be the same. It used to be soft and warm and now that it has touched your skin it’s cold, it’s harsh, it doesn’t do what it’s supposed to do
I know that you’ve moved on.
Give me back that goddamn sweater
You’ve found someone new and I don’t care. I don’t care I don’t care I don’t care
I shouldn’t care, at least
I really only care about the sweater. Please don’t wear it around her. Please don’t let her wear it. Don’t let her touch it. I gave that to you. I gave everything to you. I don’t want her touching what I’ve given. I don’t want her touching what was once considered mine
I had a severe panic attack yesterday. I found out about her two days before
And I don’t think it was because of you, or her, or the idea of you and her. I think I’m just losing it. I think I’m just alone. I remember it was so different a year ago. I remember when I had never even seen that sweater
I haven’t even been thinking about you lately. I don’t care. You left and I was fine. I’m still fine
You never loved me the way you love her. It’s not the fact that you’ve moved on—it’s the fact that you’ve moved on to something better.
I just wonder when I will ever be good enough. Not just for you, but for anyone. You really fucked me up, you know. And you continue to do so. God, there’s this feeling in my chest and it’s tight and it’s painful and it’s tugging at me. I don’t know what to do
I feel like crying but nothing’s coming out. I don’t need this right now. I don’t need this I don’t need this I don’t need it
Dear God, make it stop
Why am I losing sleep over you? You’re probably dreaming right now. You’re probably wrapped around your new somebody. Still wearing my sweater
I can’t believe you would wear my sweater while you’re with her. Oh God, her long painted fingernails have probably been all over it. Her hands. Everywhere
Have you kissed her?
Please give me back the sweater
I’m losing it again. I’m losing it
Please help me. Will you help me? I need help